3/15/18 - what's my intention?

So I'm back. I've been thinking a lot today about how I'm on autopilot but with no clear route. I have such a hard time setting my intentions for the day or for work. I know what I want... maybe I need to write it out and verbally claim? I'll be back tomorrow. Yes I promise and if I don't yes I won't be hard on myself. ❤🌼

02-07-18 - Can you invest in me? Can I invest in myself?

I am getting so tired of waking up and not wanting to go to work. I was put on this earth to do something more than just answer phones! I really need to get my butt going on the nonprofit I want to do. But, just like everything else I am afraid to step out and say Hey I need some help to get this great ideal going and well I need the help as well so can you invest in me? Why can't I invest in myself? I am trying I am taking this Google IT course from Coursera, and I am looking into resources for my mental help. But why am I not jumping!!?? Yes, I know it's not my fault it's my programming!

02/04/2018 - I am scared!

12:16p - I have been trying to think about why I don't blog more often. I tend to blog when all the stuff builds up and I HAVE to blog to get it out. But, blogging daily is great therapy for me to also see how I am improving and growning as an individual. My main sourse of everything that is getting me right now and well it has been in the past. It's my fear of failing at what I am doing. That is also why I am having a hard time doing my goals. Why plan them if I am going to fail at them? I started thinking to not call them goals but intentions. Intentions sound less scary. Ok well back to my Intention setting.
7:29pm - ok well the rest of my day went well. I'm now 90% done with the Artist of Life workbook that I have I just need to do Q1 goals etc or as I'm calling them "intentions". I'm going to finish the blog here and go off to do a couple of hours of IT course work. Ttyl

01/31/18 - So who's time and life is this?

It's been something I have done for well my whole life. I let someone else speak for me, I do not use my own voice. I give everything up to this person. Why?? It hasn't panned out for me. I am giving myself up because I want this person to like me, to love me, to be proud of me. Are they? Am I?? That is the real question. I have read enough of Byron Katie's work to know that what I really need is me. I need to approve of what I do day to day, I need to love and be proud of me. I need to see the woman in the reflection in the mirror and love what I see. I need to not give my power up. This is my time and life!!

01/30/18 - Is it Real or Is it Not?

The last week and some I have been talking to someone who has been very important in my life.  I've known him for years longer then I've been in Florida.  I am trying to figure out right now in my life what is and what isn't good for me. It's not that he's not good for me. But I feel like even though he and I have a really special unique connection, it might never be what it is at this time. What is on my mind is whatever is.  I thought I would be with my ex-husband for the rest of my life, and I am not.  So, why can't I just play this by ear?  Why do my emotions have to get deeply involved? Codependency is so deeply rooted in me.  I also went to therapy today and my car almost overheated.  I am just up to my eyeballs in my own issues and my own. I have to stay focused and clear on my own goals and need to go. Anyways again I am just posting this to get something out. I'll edit it and then off to bed.

1/28/18 - Why is it SO HARD!!

1/28/18 - So today is the last Sunday of January there are still a couple of days left in January. I just feel like I let myself down because the year is NOT planned out! NO, I did not let myself down. This is the first time in my life where I actually am trying to stay organized and planned out so I need to give myself some credit and a break. Plus a couple weeks ago my own laptop crapped out and my roommate let me have his which is awesome. He also got his own internet so that is another good thing. Around that time he also made me aware of a Google IT training course that is being done thur Coursera. So I started that it's an 8-10month commitment. Nancy is helping me with the cost. This Tuesday I have the whole day off I have therapy in the morning. I think I am going to go to a Starbucks and do some work there on my goals and the course. Anyways I am not going to edit this I just need to get a blog out. Hopefully I will do this again tomorrow :D

01/17/18 - Ok, I did it I jumpped!

This is going to be a really short blog. I need to do this every day, even if it makes no sense lol. After I published last nights blog my roommate told me about an online school called Coursera that is providing an IT class by Google IT people. This blog will hopefully make sense the sleeping pills I took are kicking in. Anyways so next Tuesday I am going back to learning something to better myself. So I jumped I know I need to get a better job and I need more skills. This is going to do it. Well, today I just went to work. I came back here and my roommate stated he's going to get some form of internet in here so I can study more effectively. I think that alone is a great ideal. So I started some of the course work, it does not start until the 23rd but they give you a free 1-week head start. So I am off to bed. Until tomorrow! PS I am going to incorporate videos I will do that on Friday if not Saturday, My weekend is VERY full now LOL.